Abstract light pattern by Ahmad Dirini.

M'Hoq Toq's words are written this way.

Nerida's words are written like this.

People can say, ‘Oh I love you so much.’ But it does not mean they respect you, that much. Or that they could forgive you, that much.

Perhaps you could give me a little insight into my relation, who loves but doesn’t respect or forgive me that much. Her name is Jennifer.



[Pause, sighs] Wants to control everything.


If you wanna control things, you can’t hide it behind the word, ‘love’, because it’s not true love. It’s wanting to control, which excludes respect.


Wants to control. Trying to do it secretly, with little success—

[Laughs] Yes.

—because she’s always bumping into walls. For everybody else, it is obvious, what she does. She would like to be seen as the loving one. But if control is what you think is love, with the respect missing, you won’t get respect back.

There is, in her, basically one line of input; which is control, having control.

It is fear-based.

She's always bumping into walls. Pic by  Patrick Tomasso .

She's always bumping into walls. Pic by Patrick Tomasso.

Fear makes you lose thought. You can’t think.

Thought is needed for solving problems, organising things in a differentiated way. She can think things and organise things, but it’s based on the need for control, which comes in her case from fear.

So it will only ever work on a very basic level.
Because she blocks out input from other lines.
The paths for that input would be there, but they lay barren, not used.

Sadly, because there would be potential.

There would be potential if she could learn to open up a little bit--open up to other sources of input. And take herself back; lean back and watch.

Give enough respect, take the fear out, watch things unfold and watch it with pride.

Rather than trying to control something, because it might not work.

It would not work for her. She can’t think on a higher level because her control is fear-based.



On one hand, it can be difficult for you.
On the other hand, it is very predictable.

[Chuckles] Yes.

You can see from a long distance, what’s gonna come towards you. There are no surprises.

[Laughs] Yes.

The problem is, she can’t see it herself because she can’t let go of the fear-based wish to control everything.

That’s why she will always be on a very basic level. Too much fear to allow more to come in.

Yes. Sad.

She’s used to it. For her, this means ‘normal’. Being a 'normal one' does not create fear. Or, better to say, it lowers the fear that’s always there.

You don’t ’stick out’ if you are considered normal, from her point of view. You are less vulnerable.

It's an illusion that you are safer, staying on the straight and narrow. Pic by  Anika Huizinga .

It's an illusion that you are safer, staying on the straight and narrow. Pic by Anika Huizinga.


So, you should not be cross with her. She thinks you can’t see. You could have an easy life, a wonderful life. Very normal!


You would not get anywhere, my friend. But you could be very normal.

[Laughing] That’s right. Wouldn’t have Claudia, wouldn’t have my relationship with you, wouldn’t get to do my life’s work. But I could be very normal.

Well, that would be sad.

Yes, that would be very sad.

Her life is not sad because she can’t see it.

She feels like, we would call it, she’s living a high life, living on a higher level.

She does.

Because that’s very normal.
It depends on the point of view.
All she can see is normality, not to stick out. And trying to control everything. And the wish to control is fear-based.
'You should always be normal.
Don’t show anyone that you can be vulnerable.
Never show them, never give anyone else the satisfaction of knowing that you are vulnerable, too.' (Talking from her point of view).
'Keep faith. In normality.'

Normal is overrated. Photo by  Matias Rengel . Artist in LA, not yet known.

Normal is overrated. Photo by Matias Rengel. Artist in LA, not yet known.

That could be her mantra.

Because this is protection.

You could, if you were not so driven by fear, you could have a secret life.
That could make it a little bit more interesting.
But then, there would be the fear that someone else finds out your secret, which could make it interesting for others.

But not if all you ever wanted is to be normal.

Yes. Well, thank you. That’s kind of a treatise on normality.

You’re welcome.

All of us who are not really interested in being normal will enjoy that thoroughly, thank you.

For some individuals, that’s all they ever need. It’s about the point of view, the position you’re at.

Yes. But I’m concerned that Jennifer doesn’t really grow.

She came for a different experience.

Does she have stagnation as a goal? [Pause] Or retardation?

Her need for control is fear based. Fear stops thought. Pic by  Priscilla Du Preez .

Her need for control is fear based. Fear stops thought. Pic by Priscilla Du Preez.


It’s more like a martyr, I think.

Oh no, another martyr!


She’s managed to give, a lot, to counter it.


Well, yes, she wants to be known as the one who sacrifices herself, for others—

That’s true.

—which can mean turning in circles. [He describes a small, continuous circle with both hands].
Going back and forth [the fingers move a small distance back and forth to and from the same point].
Which basically means staying in the same area.
Not quite the same position, but the same area.

Going around in a small circle is quite an evolvement. Pic by  Timothy Paul Smith .

Going around in a small circle is quite an evolvement. Pic by Timothy Paul Smith.


She had times before when she stayed in one position.
[Two forefingers making little steps, marching in place]
So, this [fingers making a little circle, stepping in and out] is quite an evolvement.

[Laughing gently] Yes. The little circles are better than no little circles.

Well, if you’ve stayed at one point, treading around and around, moving from one foot to the other, and then you do—you know—five steps forward, back to the original position and then, five steps backward and back to the position, five steps forward and so on; that’s quite an achievement.

Thank you, my dear.

You’re welcome.